This December we had our awards night for our kid’s ministry, Lightbearers. As a part of that evening, we gave each family a copy of Tedd Tripp’s book “Shepherding a Child’s Heart.” Over the next several weeks we will be posting articles based on chapters from that book in order to encourage and help parents in the work of parenting.
In Shepherding a Child’s Heart Tripp makes a simple claim throughout his work based on this premise: “What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their hearts.”
This week, we look at the principles from the second chapter “Shaping Influences.” Scripture speaks clearly about how the people and things around us influence and shape us. Consider 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived, ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” Likewise, Proverbs 13:20 “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” A clear principle is established, we become like the things we are around. Who our companion is will drastically impact the type of person we are.
Tripp reminds us of a reality, he says “The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience.” Each family brings a certain dynamic and influence on their children. Family roles, structure, response to failure, values, history, and conflict resolution are all factors in the family that can contribute to the development of your child. A warning of mistakes in this Tripp reminds is the first error is “seeing shaping influences deterministically” and the second is “denial, it is the mistake of saying that the child in unaffected by his early childhood experiences.”
So, there is an understanding that influences matter, but they are not everything. Nevertheless, consider the influences that affect your child’s life. How do you and your family interact with them? How you interact with them will be one of the most important influences. That can look like the things you do and say towards them but also the things you ignore and do not do for your child. Secondly, consider the things they are regularly involved with. Friends, phones, social media, the internet, and so much more influences and impacts your kid.
A great example of how easily we all, but especially kids, are influenced is to consider how quickly TikTok dances move from kid to kid. One day they have no clue and the next day you see every kid on the street doing whatever the latest dance is. While a dance may be harmless, it illustrates that there are countless influences on our children’s lives, and our own as well.
Active God-centered parenting will mean that you as a parent must take an active role in understanding and shaping the influences that shape your children and training them to respond well to the poor influences. You cannot isolate your kid from everything bad in the world, but we also can not leave our children unprepared to face those things. Consider what influences your child, and if necessary, remove them from situations where no positive influence can happen.
They are your child, and that means first, you’re in charge, and second, they do not always know what is best for them. As a parent, you must see what is influencing your child and take the necessary steps to establish them in a God-honoring direction.
Tedd Tripp. 2005. Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press.
